Naruto Omake Stories
by Dollar1
Summary: Stories that don't necessarily fit into the Naruto timeline. Enjoy, or not. Chap 6 ACTUALLY up.
1. Character Intros

The Naruto Omake Project The Program of Introductions 

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

**Team 7:**

Naruto- Our lovable lil kyubi boy/kyubi that loves pulling pranks, the spark that set these stupid ideas in my head so I can entertain thee.... its NARUTO.... YAYYY (as you can tell I love him!) Wants to become Hokage and yet cannot find the expiration date of the milk in his fridge.

Sakura- Oh yes, little Sakura our pink headed, cherry blossom, wide-foreheaded kunoichi of the group that doesn't react to much unless

Ino fails at something

Someone touches Sasuke (in an intimate/violent way, not that it would ever happen of course)

Sasuke is within 10 miles of her

Also has a personality called "Inner Sakura" that openly comes out whenever there is a natural disaster occuring on the other side of the world. Aside from that, she likes girly things.

Sasuke- Aside from having a set of contradicting, complex complexes, he's cute and tends to attract females ages 3- 30 including dogs, and pedophiles. Deep down, he's just a poor, angst-ridden boy....oh yeh, and he's trying to kill his brother. Has pet rocks, and thinks they're really alive.

Kakashi- The fatherly Jounin superviser of the group, he tends be punctual 20% of the time. Reads a lot of trashy romance novels, but hey everyones got guilty pleasures. Especially when you're 26, single, male, and not living with your mother for that matter. Has a plant named Mr. Ukki.

**Team 8:**

Hinata- The poor darling reject of her family even though she didn't waste the family fortune, or elope with some drunkard. Yes, life is not fair, but in the long run, images of Naruto plug the empty spaces in her heart...and in her private shrine...carefully hidden from Hiashi of course.

Kiba- Can talk to dogs, wears that thick coat, even in summer time, but its really special to him cuz his grandma made it for him out of Aoimaru's pelt. If ya'll wondering who Aoimaru is, he's Akamaru's evil twin that got run over by a car in attempt of dominating the Konoha village.

Shino- Eh...not much is known about Shino except he likes bugs, and offers his body and sanity to them. ...Well maybe not sanity but duuuude its like...a cult sacrifice or something. And that is like totally awesome!!!! Its like...you're offering your body for power...ok I'll stop that now. Oh yeh, he always wears those sunglasses 24/7.

Kurenai- The overseer of this group, she's got everything: looks, weird outfits, smarts. ...That is until, her menstral cycle kicks in, then its hell for about 8 days or so. She can also get really iffy to the extent of cheating for her team to win, but other than that its all good. Oh yeh, and she's pissed at Itachi for the whole tree incident.

**Team 10:**

Shikamaru- A lazy genius with an IQ of 200. Responds to every task with his famous line of: "It's too troublesome" or a variation of sorts. His smarts and tactics are what earned him his chuunin vest, but he thinks its all troublesome. However, we hope he doesn't think showers, brushing his teeth, and other hygenic needs are troublesome.

Ino- The girly rival of Sakura who also thinks of nothing but Sasuke, is referred to as "Ino-pig". She has the same hobbies as Sakura in reference to her obsession with Sasuke. Was originally the butt of many blonde jokes until people's minds were taken over and hell was frozen over. Also loves makeup and clothes shopping.

Chouji- Shikamaru's best friend that likes to gorge on many things, both edible and non edible. He's rather sensitive about his weight so if you don't want to end up in pain, it is highly suggested that you call him "big boned" rather than fat. And if you don't see him eating for a day, this is an absolute sure sign that the apocalypse is coming.

Asuma- The carefree teacher of this group, he likes to smoke cigarettes. But I mean, he had everything. That included his dope, a genin that passed the chuunin exam, and even the same name as the Hokage...so much that he was often having the wrong mail sent to him, but hey, what straight man would refuse free issues of play-ninjas?

**Team 9 the senior?:** You know, I actually don't know what team number this team is, but lets just call it team 9 to go with the flow.

Lee- The most enthuastic of...practically everyone, he has a fetish for green body suits and sports some rather unsightly eyebrows accompanied by the most cough odd eyes. He pines for Sakura's love, and would probably risk anything (except maybe changing genders, or plucking his eyebrows to do it), to earn it. On a side note, he's a fast devil.

Tenten- Hm...like Shino, not much is known about her except she has a habit of trailing/praising Neji like Sakura on the subject of Sasuke except on a less infatuating level. Has exceptional aim, and likes to coplay as Chun Li. Weirdly enough, she has no last name, but don't worry, after all there aren't many people in Konoha named Tenten.

Neji- I used to think he was a smarmy bastard, with his "this is is your fate" speech and blaming the main house on how he burned himself trying to make waffles but he eventually grew on me. Actually, I'm just a sucker for people with bad pasts. Likes to use Byakugen to look at people's Chakra lights, cuz they're shiny and stuff.

Gai- I used to think he was Lee's father, but then one of my friend's pointed out that Gai wasn't likely to get married because of cough certain physical attributes. So maybe Lee is a clone, and Gai is the original. I don't know, but he claims that Kakashi is his eternal rival, accompanied with lines like: "I'll get you yet Kakashi, I'll get you yet!!!"

**Others:**

Iruka- Naruto's Buddy, a teacher that teaches in the Academy. I label him as the one with most sense, at least in this fic. Likes taking Naruto out for ramen occasionally, and irritating Kakashi with his monologues of "take care of Naruto or else". Yeh right, as if a Chuunin could defeat a Jounin.

Anko- Referred to as a female Naruto, with more brain cells I might add, she's very cheery and likes flashy appearances. Hates "the jounin/chuunin vest" with a passion along with Kurenai. I mean, what woman with a mind of fashion would wear those vile barf green clashy things? She's also Orochimaru's one and only student.

Orochimaru- Hehe..his name starts with Oro, isn't that funny? Huh HUHhhhhh???? Well, we needed a villain here so yeh....I mean due to budgets we couldn't hire Kabuto, Zabuza and Haku, but they might appear as guest appearances along with the Sand-nin. Well, to put it all in a sentence, he likes Snaaaaaakessss and Sasuke's body for that matter.

Itachi- Another favorite of mine, the not-so missing nin (I mean Jiraiya found his whereabouts didn't he?), and who Sasuke is trying to kill to avenge the clan...or maybe all those times he poked Sasuke in the forehead. I mean, Sasuke did get a bruise. Has those weird diagonal lines on his eyes, maybe it's a sign of early wrinkles or something.

Now...on to the stories!!!


	2. Team 7: Apartment

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto   
Apartment 

It was a fine day in Konoha as usual, as our 3 favorite genins were sitting on the bridge waiting for their oh so "punctual" teacher to give them the day's task whether it be mowing lawns or other slavework. After waiting monotonously for 4 hours straight however, the blonde of the group unexpectedly decided to openly rant on the premises causing mothers to usher their children away as quickly as possible. Actually they did it anyway since they were still being all paranoid about the kyubi but that's a different story.

"THAT'S IT!!!!! I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEEEEEE!!!!" exclaimed Naruto, stomping off the bridge, making rather large imprints with his chakra, "THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO AT A DEAD PERSON's %&%& GRAVE!!"

Sakura and Sasuke silently agreed. Actually, it was pretty normal, but if Naruto could actually BEAT Neji, then couldn't Kakashi at least come early, on his own free will, with nothing serious enough on his mind to drive him there?

Naruto was extremely pissed today, since he had to miss his ramen breakfast to come here. Maybe on every other day, when he didn't miss his daily ramen would be fine, but nooooooo Kakashi had to pick this day to be late for, not that he had ever showed up early for the other days either.

"Let's go to Kakashi's place!" said Naruto, "We HAVE to tell him, how we FEEEELl!!" emphasizing the word "feel". It was something Naruto learned in this free counseling session one of the special jounin's gave. Of course he had left after he found out that a "counselling" wasn't an event that included giving out free ramen.

"Naruto, you ass! Kakashi's probably visiting his best friend's grave like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that..." yelled Sakura, "show some compassion."

"Cheh......." Was all Sasuke had to say, but inside he was bored, plus he could have used all this time conspiring up new ways to kill Itachi.

"Well Fine, do whatever, but you'll be all thanking me for this favor!!"

And with that, Naruto stomped off by himself to find his beloved teacher's apartment, stopping 4 times on the way to eat some ramen. After trying unsuccessfully to locate Kakashi's apartment, he gave up and started for the bridge solely forgetting the purpose of his little stroll.

"Oiiiiiii!!!! Narutoooooooo!!!"

He turned around and saw Sasuke and Sakura jogging up to him. Sakura eyes were white with rage, "He wasn't at the memorial!!!!!!!!"

"He wasn't at the bookstore either."

"And I couldn't find his apartment."

Both Sakura and Sasuke face faulted. It turns out that Kakashi's apartment was actually a couple minutes from the bridge. Naruto just happened to go searching a couple of miles in the wrong direction near the ramen places. But that's Naruto for ya!!

So anyway, the 3 trudged angrily to the Kakashi's place, and the minute they found it, Sakura had put her foot through the door.

"Uh....did you have to be that noisy?"

Sakura scowled, and stomped in followed by the 2 guys, only to find.....

...That they had broken into the wrong house and the poor family was in shock and desparately trying to phone the ANBU members. The guys bolted leaving Sakura to deal with the family she had now emotionally scarred. Sakura of course was thinking of how Sasuke would "save her", failing to realize that he had taken off with Naruto.

Sasuke and Naruto after locating the right place, barged in to find no one there. Apparently Kakashi had gone out, to do something. Naruto was in awe as he had never been in Kakashi's apartment. His eyes aimed wanderlessly around finally stopping at the book shelf.

Yes, the bookshelf....where there was a whole stack of Icha Icha Paradise and Make out Violence volumes. Being the curious little boy he was, Naruto grabbed a volume and started to skim, twitching at words like "caress" and "leather" until he couldn't take it anymore. What the hell does Kakashi think about when he reads these? On second thought, he didn't want to know.

Sasuke on the other hand had taken a liking to Kakashi's computer and was snooping around the e-bay shops. Apparently Kakashi had forgot to log off, so Sasuke checked his list of bids. Apparently a person whose alias was "FrogMeisterJ" (three guesses who that is) had outbid him on a pair of Victoria Secret panties by 1 cent.

After Sasuke was sick of snooping around, he looked at Kakashi's desk where there were some bills, magazine subscriptions for ahem certain magazines and other adult novels that they had no knowledge of. After clearing some of the things however, Sasuke came across a schedule, which he read, simultaneously there were some vein poppings heard.

Sasuke angrilly dragged Naruto to the table. "Look at this!!" he spat. Naruto looked at the schedule:

9:00 a.m. Wakeup

10:00 a.m. Breakfast

11:00 a.m. Visit Memorial

12:00 p.m. Lunch

1:00 p.m. Visit Memorial

2:00 p.m. Loiter

3:00 p.m. Train the brats

7:00 p.m. read Icha Icha Paradise and water Mr. Ukki

8:00 p.m. Dinner

"...CHIKUSOOOOO!!!! HE SAID WE HAD TO BE THERE BY 6:00 a.m.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"$%&%&%&%" Screamed Sakura who had miracuously appeared after she apologized to the poor family that she had traumatized, and payed for the door.

"I say we get even." Naruto smiled his little evil kyubi smile.

"Hai!!" replied the other 2.

"So, what do we do?" Sakura asked.

"I know, why don't we auction off all his Icha Icha Paradise novels on e-bay?" Naruto rubbed his hands together.

"Yoshhhhhhhh!!!! Lets Rolllllllllllll!!!!!!!"

Although Sasuke liked that idea, he had to admit, it was pretty gutsy. I mean, who knew what the man would do if he was depreived of his Icha Icha Paradaise novels. Probably make them go through hell. Sasuke was about to voice his opinion when Naruto pressed "enter".

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! BAKAAAAAAAA!!!!"

He threw a shuriken to try and knock Naruto's hand away but he kinda missed and it ended up bouncing off Sakura's forehead (don't ask me how), slicing one of Mr. Ukki's leaves, and whizzing toward the door when it suddenly opened deflecting the shuriken again where it finally lodged itself in a picture of the Fourth Hokage, squarely in the forehead.

"...WHAT THE &%&& ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT?"

Everyone's jaws dropped in shock, for the person in front of them was not their sensei, but....

EBISU?

"CLOSET PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Naruto, then he thought "what does he mean that this is his apartment?"

Sasuke had grabbed Sakura and jumped out the window. And Naruto did what he always did when getting out of tight spots that involved Ebisu. Yep,the Harem no Jutsu, works everytime on men, only the the real Naruto left as Ebisu spazzed on the ground in a puddle of his own nosebleed with Naruko clones swarming all over him.

Sakura, who had fainted do to the poison gas Mr. Ukki leaked when his leaf was cut, was still dreaming of Sasuke when she woke up on the bridge. Sasuke was standing on the bridge again near an exhausted, shaking Naruto, who couldn't believe that he had mistaken Ebisu's apartment for Kakashi's.

Naruto sighed and fell into a doze, until he was woken up by a voice saying "Yo."

Upon hearing that voice, Naruto jumped up and yelled at Kakashi, the sound almost making him fall off the beam he was on.

"WHERE THE &$#& WERE YOU?"

Kakashi raised his silver eyebrow in question, "Didn't I tell you guys? I forgot I was switching apartments with Ebisu today so I cancelled today's training session. Hey, guys? Whats wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?"

The students upon hearing that, reacted er... rather differently. Inner Sakura had come out and started pelting any objects that she could find at Kakashi including Naruto who was still trying to figure out when Kakashi told him he was moving. Sasuke on the other hand had activated his Sharingan which in turn activated his curse seal sending him in a balistic rage, making Orochimaru (who was god knows where right now) giggle in ecstatic states.

Kakashi sweatdropped, and after failing to console his students with free ramen and things ran off into the sunset with his 3 students at his heels.

Oh well, at least Ebisu hadn't found out about his Icha Icha Paradise novels being sold on e-bay. Or did he?


	3. Anko: Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto 

Thanks Annachan and sangokirara5 for the reviews!!

Guest Appearance: Kabuto in a flashback

Memories 

Anko sighed.

Why was she sighing?

Because she was still mad about the fact that Orochimaru was alive, walking, talking, and giving out curse seals. Oh, but at least he was armless.

To any of her jounin co-workers this wasn't normal. After all, she was Naruto-ish according to everyone. That meant wild parties, reckless decisions, and of course loudness.

Kurenai tried to comfort her by offering chocolate and other sweets but alas it did not work. Kakashi even offered to take off his mask, but much to everyone's "surprise" he bailed out on the last minute saying that he needed to meet his students. Psh.....

Anko cried as she recalled of the times she and Orochimaru had together. There were bad times as well as good times. But it all ended when he had deserted the village when he couldn't become Hokage. It was the most eminent memory she had of him.

Flashback

"No Orochimaru, you can't become 4th Hokage."

"Why not?????"

"Hm......good question...because you're skin is too white, it might freak out some of the civilians, oh yeh, and you're a tad too evil on the Hokage scale." The Sandaime stroked his almost nonexistent beard, "plus I've already chosen a Yondaime."

Out of the corner Jiraiya was making faces at Orochimaru, since after all his student was chosen over him.

"If this is about your missing play ninja magz, I..I didn't do it honest!!! It was Jiraiya!!!" Orochimaru blurted.

"Heyyyyy!!!!" Jiraiya shouted, "white snake loving bastard..." he muttered.

The Sandaime gave each of them odd looks.

"FINE!!!! I'll just run away and create my own village, with malls, tanning salons, and kick-ass ninjas!!!!"

Orochimaru then thought, that it would be best to kidnap little children of advanced bloodline ninjas since training would probably be a little bit too hard for him. After all, Anko hadn't turned out to quite what he expected. She was supposed to be white with dark, over mascara applied eyes, and have an evil laugh but instead, she was....eh...rather comical, cheery, and evil-free. Damn, nice try though.

"Sorry, what did you say? My Alzheimers was kicking in." The Sandaime scratched his head. Jiraiya and Orochimaru merely looked at each other and shrugged. Jiraiya didn't want his Sensei to find out that he had nicked his play ninja mags while Orochimaru didn't want sensei to exile him from the village...yet. So they chose their words carefully, chiming out:

"Nothing, Sarutobi-Sensei" they replied. Orochimaru feeling blue then went to his dark secret underground lair to write in his diary.

"Dear Diary....." he started, but then he looked up. He had left too many bodies unoperated on, and it was starting to smell. They were also starting to attract rather unsightly bugs of many sizes. Orochimaru sighed, guess its time for the monthly body disposal, maybe he should paint the lair pink, or a lighter color to relflect the light better. He walked over and started stuffing the bodies in garbage bags.

Enter: Sandaime...blahblahblah

End Flash back

The meer memory, unfortuneatly had widened the flow of her continuous tears. But about that time, Kurenai and Iruka, the only 2 people left in the jounin's lounge due to Anko's excessive floodings, had had enough, proceeded to knock her out, and drag her to the nearest bar.

After indulging herself in a few bottles of sake, Anko had become her good ol self again. At least that was what she looked like. But then again, alcohol triggered the side of the brain that goaded you to do crazy things. Jackass-esq crazy things to be more precise.

Kurenai turned around from her conversation (particularly about things that were green, ugly and clashed with her clothes) with Iruka after she heard a loud "CRASH" to find that Anko had jumped through the window.

Iruka and Kurenai both bounded after her. Normally drunk Jounins weren't something the general public feared but in Anko's case, everyone panicked. Mothers and children shut their doors, windows, and retreated to their bomb-shelters. Fathers and sons loaded their tranquilizers and put protective seals around their homes.

"Whoah, to think that Anko instigated this much fear in people..." Iruka sighed, "But at least it makes the search easier." What was he smoking when he offered to comfort Anko? Oh well, as the guy who sympathizes with everyone, it was Iruka's job to comfort people with parental unit/friend/teacher losses, no excuses. But that's what everyone loves about Iruka ï 


	4. Team 8: Movie Time

keeps uploading my chapters real slow so sorry for the inconveniences.

But anyway...

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Movie Time 

7:00- Run 100 laps for warmup

8:30- 100 Pushups, Situps, Squats, Tuck Jumps, the works

9:30- Practice Chakra Control

12:00- Lunch

13:00- Run another 100 laps

14:30- Practice more Chakra control

15:30- Practice individual nin/genjutsu skills

17:30- Work on tactic skills

18:30- Session Ends

This schedule was usually routine for Team 8, when Kurenai wasn't at her time of the month. However due to the sudden outburst of emotions that Anko had openly displayed at the teacher's lounge, Kurenai decided to give Team 8 a "day off" in order to devote her time and attention in getting her best friend to feel better, preferably before Anko got overreactive and started destroying or burning things.

"GASP!!" gasped Kiba

"...yay?" muttered Shino

"..S-s-san-kyuu...Ku-kurenai- sensei" said Hinata, eyes glued to the floor.

Deep down inside, they were really having a party. Kurenai had never given them a day off before, being the...er...strict person she was.

Kiba had also usually worsened matters by openly comparing her to a female dog. He had actually meant that as a compliment, seeing as he was a dog trainer and knew that females were aggressive yet caring and protective to their litter.

Kurenai however, had been too busy relating the phrase "female dog" to a certain synonym, so she didn't perceive Kiba's uh...compliment correctly. Thus, Team 8 suffered horribly that day, especially Kiba, who had more injuries than usual and necessary I might add.

Anyway, the point is, THEY HAD A DAY OFF!!! --Insert balloons and streamers here--

"WHOOO-HOOOO!!! Oh yeh, its your birthday, its your birthday, we're gonna party like its your birthday!!!!!!!!!" howled Kiba. Coming from him, this would probably sound rather awkward. I mean Kiba, reiterating words from a rap song, off beat, and translated poorly into japanese...it just doesn't cut it.

"So...what should we do?..." mutter Shino, covering his ears.

Hinata looked at him, the only things Shino actually enjoyed was collecting bugs, training, and...that was it. Unless it also had to do with bugs. Then she could probably guess. Kiba's was probably, walking Akamaru, or something involving dogs at least. Whatever their hobbies were, no one knew. Why, because everyday was spent training, training, an occasional mission, and more training. --insert evil chibi Kurenai with whip--

However, Hinata didn't blame her and always complied willingly, seeing that women jounies always had the slight feeling they were being underestimated and labeled as softies by the male jounies. Or maybe it was just Kurenai, or maybe both. But enough with the mysteries of life, Hinata had an idea. A brilliant idea! That's not sick or twisted, like ones that are usually posted in humour fics!!

"Ano...w-would you two l-l-like to come to my house...and watch movies?" stammered Hinata, doing that finger thing she always did when she was nervous.

Both of the guys looked at her in surprise, but you couldn't see it on Shino, cuz he had on his signature sunglasses and high collar. Kiba spoke for the both of them much to Shino's annoyance.

"ARE YOU KIDDING, OF COURSE WE'D LOVE TO COME!!!" exclaimed Kiba. Finally, it was a chance to bond as friends.

But in the backround you could hear Akamaru barking vaguely about Kiba using this as an excuse to sniff out the Hyuga women's lingerie cabinents. Funny That. But luckily Kiba in a rare moment of insight kept his mouth shut because none of his other team mates understood dog language.

"...yeh...I guess I could come..." said Shino. "...But what is your father going say? And what about Neji?..."

"Ah...Its ok, my dad's at a Hyuga business meeting thing and won't come back 'til 11. And uh... I've Byakugan-ed the house, and Neji wasn't there." Hinata had stopped stammering now that she was happy that they've accepted.

So the 3 of them made their way to the Hyuuga mansion. After Hinata led them through the gate, she led them into ther house and down stairs in the entertainment center.

Kiba and Shino were both in awe. Not only were the Hyuugas powerful, they were filthy rich. Plasma Big Screen, Wallspeakers, Kareoke Machine, Bowling, Dance Floor, Bean bag chairs, Popcorn maker, Candy machines, Soda Machines, Fridge, Billiard Table, Ping Pong Table, Another Plasma TV complete with all video game systems and assortments of games, a Bar, and other stuff that I want in my dream house but can't afford TT.

"Damnnnn!!!! We've got to bring Kurenai here sometime, she'll melt at the sight of this." Kiba howled.

Hinata blushed and secretly agreed. Maybe Kurenai-sensei would be less strict with the training if she had enough chocolate and entertainment to stop 50 years worth of PMSing and maybe even menopause.

Kiba, Akamaru and Shino both sat on the bean bag chairs with the snacks they had raided from the Hyuuga food counter and fridge, while Hinata picked out 2 movies from a whole wall of dvds.

"Ano...Kiba has to see this one, and Shino might like one..." she held up the movies, "Princess Mononoke" and "Nausicaa, Valley of the Wind". Studio Ghibli movies.

Unknown to Hinata while she was pulling out the dvds, a tag had fallen from under one of the covers onto the floor with small fine print stating: "Property of Hyuuga Neji of the BRANCH (the ink here was splotched) house, if anyone but me, touches these, I'll Jyuuken you and yo mama's $$ to next Saturday." Oh dear...

Shino, who hardly saw any movies except documentaries of bug species borrowed from the library, just sat on his bean bag chair and nodded. His bugs, being restless from the lack of day's training had started to chew holes in the bean bag chair despite his mental protests.

Kiba's eyes were a-fixed on the Princess Mononoke Dvd cover. That girl on the cover...looked so strangely familiar.

Hinata popped in the Dvd, and sat down on another bean bag chair. Kiba had never payed more attention in his life. His eyes followed San around as if there were no tomorrow. By the time that movie ended, both Shino and Hinata were convinced that San was Kiba's long lost twin sister. They also came to the conclusion that if Kiba grew out his hair a little, had a rack, and pierced his ears he'd look exactly like San. (Oh, think of the possibilities, you naughty fanfic writers out there. o)

Kiba was speechless. Who'd ever thought there was a chick version of him. But Kiba was particularly turned off by the wolves. I mean dogs were waaaaaaayyyyyyyy better than wolves, but he was still surprised.

After the credits rolled, Hinata jumped up and popped "Nausicaa, Valley of the Wind" into the Dvd player. This time, it was Shino's turn to be amazed. Quite a hard feat to achieve actually, but in the end, it worked.

Shino's eyes were following the Ohmu bugs everywhere on screen just as Kiba had with San. So many bugs species, so little screentime. Of course he was predominantly angered and disturbed when the army killed some bugs, but he was satisfied when a river of Ohmu bugs came plowing back over the men, killing them. Yes, bug violence. GO BUGS (He didn't say this aloud by the way.) Shino was also awed at the Ohmu's golden tentacles with revival powers. Oh how he'd love to walk among that sea of golden tentacles to a backround of eerie music like Nausicaa did. (He also didn't say this out loud by the way.)

After the movie, Shino and Kiba both thanked Hinata for inviting them to her mansion and left, still thinking about the movies that had opened their eyes to so much wonderful things. -cough cough-

Hinata was happy that her team mates were happy and proceeded to throw out the bean bag chairs that Kiba and Shino sat on. There were many holes on the bag that had Shino sat on, and Akamaru had peed on Kibas. Afer cleaning up, Hinata went upstairs since it was that time of the day where she visited her Naruto shrine to give offerings and ocassional "sacrifices" which will probably be revealed in later chapters.

At the same time, Neji had returned home and was proceeding to the entertainment center. He directly went to the wall of Dvds and pulled out...uh..."The Little Mermaid".

--Freeze Screen-- BUT WAIT!!! Before you readers accuse me of belittling Neji, there's a reason for this, just don't call the people in white coats!!!

Neji, after being defeated by Naruto and discovering that the fate and destiny talk was bull, had taken drastic measures to find out, where and how his life had truly gone wrong...besides anything that involved the creation of the Main House.

How the "Little Mermaid" fits? Its because almost every one of Disney's main characters suffers great losses, whether it be parental unit losses, the Indians taking over, or being stuck in a house with 7 strange midgets that broke into song every 5 minutes or so.

Anyway, when Neji was popping "The Little Mermaid" into the Dvd player he spotted a familiar looking tag on the ground. He picked it up and recoiled in horror.

SOMEONE TOUCHED MY STUDIO GHIBLI COLLECTION DVDs!!!!!!!!!!!!

And by the smell, it had been in the hands of the MAIN HOUSE!!!!!!!! --Does that weird spazz action that Crocker does in "Fairly Odd Parents" when he says "FAIRY GOD PARENTS!!!"—

"DAMN THAT MAIN HOUSE!!!!"


	5. Itachi: Road Test

For some reason, ff dot net kind of cuts off bits of my chapter, so sry in advance.

Thanks to all the reviewers, your reviews are like my drugs. Must have MOOREEE!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Driver's Exam Permit

Guests: Ibiki (The first chuunin examiner dude, if you have forgotten.)

Itachi beamed, which is rather difficult to picture, but go ahead, you can do it!!!

Today was the day where he was going to test for his basic license. Meaning if he passed, he would never have to ask any of the other Akatsuki members for rides ever again. And in addition to that, Itachi could also crash wild parties, spy on chicks making out, and even turn to committing car related crimes instead of the usual Akatsuki kidnappings and the original "I committed genocide at 13" stuff.

Come to think of it, the whole genocide thing was getting a little old for Itachi and no one really cared except Sasuke, and people who thought it might affect his stability, namely all the Jounins.

Itachi whistled random show tunes while he waited in line at the Konoha DMV, thinking of all the key stuff that Kisame had taught him. In order to disguise himself from the Konoha citizens, he had taken off his coat, let down his hair, put on some makeup to conceal the lines under his eyes, painted his nails blue, and put on blue contacts, thus making his Sharingan a lovely shade of purple. (Yes, I love the Uchiha brothers, they're so kakkoi!)

Incidentally, back at the Akatsuki's lair, Kisame closed his eyes and deeply prayed for Itachi to pass, without being sued for damages, but in his heart, he knew that was too much to ask for. The rest of the Akatsuki merely patted him and gave him their sympathies before going out to perform their daily tasks.

Kisame and Orochimaru (when he was still there) had been coerced to teach Itachi to drive, while the rest of the Akatsuki left rather quickly, muttering something about visiting their sick mothers, dead pets' graves and what not.

Of course Kisame was left to teach Itachi after Orochimaru had forfeited his place in the Akatsuki for reasons most likely due to "someone" constantly driving over curbs when making left turns. Or it could have been the fact that he was very afraid since Itachi had already trashed 3 of Kisame's Lexus's all in 1 day. Either way, it was Itachi's fault.

But even if Orochimaru had gone back to the Akatsuki, he wouldn't have been able to continue to teach Itachi seeing how his arms were rendered useless by the sandaime. No use of Orochimaru's arms meant no one to pull the emergency brake. And of course no emergency brake meant a 75% increase of "accidents" in the 10 mile radius within the car.

Luckily Orochimaru isn't with the Akatsuki anymore, so lets get back to our story.

Itachi looked at the long line in front of them. It was probably gonna be another hour til it was his turn. Oh well, might as well.

"Tsukiyomi" he whispered.

Although Itachi had only meant to induce half of the line in front of him to 96 hours of pain and torture, the blue contacts had magnified the mangekyo sharingan's power, thus the whole line ahead of him collapsed and writhed, being influenced into thinking that an 18 wheeler was running over them for 96 hours. Oh, well.

"Next," said the chuunin lady, who had been rather oblivious to the previous incident, "name?"

"Um....." Itachi looked around trying to make up a name, since he couldn't use his own. He spotted had spotted a fan, but since he wasn't that stupid, he tried to search else where.

"bingo" he thought, as he saw someone reading an Icha Icha Paradise novel. It had reminded him of a particular "someone".

"Uh.....Hatake.......Itachi"

"...Hand in your forms and proofs and follow me..."

Itachi did so, and followed the Chuunin lady to the parking lot, filled with cars that had...er...certain damaged areas. But no matter, Itachi was going to pass, he knew it.

"Here's the applicant, Ibiki-san, and absolutely NO MENTAL TORTURE!"

"But the kids have to deal with this thing I tell you, just look at that Uchiha Sasuke kid."

"NO MEANS NO!!" And with that, the Chuunin lady left.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "The captain of the torture and interrogation unit, has been reduced to a driving examiner?"

Normally this would be funny, however in Itachi's case, Ibiki was bound to pressure him with his mental torturing techniques until he cracked. The fact that Itachi was a wanted S-class criminal and a bad driver did not help either.

"Ok, before we get started, I'm going to give a chance to back out. Because, if you fail, you can never take this road test ever again!!" Ibiki, smiled at his own genius.

"...The pamphlet said you could take the text in 2 weeks again if you fail." muttered Itachi rolling his eyes.

"...Damn, ok you past the first test" replied Ibiki, looking a little dejected. This was a tough cookie.

Itachi backed out the car smoothly and drove out of the parking lot. Then he proceeded to drive outward.

"Hatake Itachi....Are you by any chance related to Hatake Kakashi?"

"Err.....yes actually....I'm his cousin?"

"...oh....hm...in my opinion you look more like an Uchiha...too bad that Sasuke Uchiha's psycho brother wiped them all out, I mean honestly, I would have killed them, and taken their money and/or forbidden scrolls, and THEN run."

"So...uh...did they catch this uh...guy yet?" Itachi had to admit, the man had a point, he should have taken the money.

"Nah...but time will come-hey!!!! What the!!!"

Itachi who was too busy trying to think of a way to steer (pun intended) the conversation away from the Uchihas, unfortuneatly had just run over a curb near the crosswalk hurtling the car dangerously near an absent-minded Shikamaru who was probably thinking of clouds and about to cross the street. But at the last minute Itachi swerved into the left street just missing Shikamaru by a couple of inches, and waking him up from his trance.

"...walking across this street is too troublesome...and apparently dangerous" so he turned around and decided not to cross the street, sitting down on one of the benches.

"That's minus 230 points for almost running over the kid and driving over the curb!!" Ibiki clutched his clipboard in one hand, and put the other one on the emergency brake. But Ibiki was glad, for he had discovered that conversation was the key to failing the boy. Oh but it was for his own good, I mean a driver must drive well under all conditions and must not get distracted. Awakening the "sadist" side in him, Ibiki formulated a plan.

Itachi silently cursed. But he regained his demeanor, by remembering what Kisame had told him to do. Sing West Side Story Songs in his head. Itachi sighed, why couldn't he have picked some other genre? Oh well here goes, Itachi made a K-Turn just near the Ichiraku and began to sing in his head. Ibiki on the other hand, began to commence with his plan.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gayyyyy..." Itachi stopped, this was so ridiculous, he made a mental note to punish Kisame later.

"So you're 18?" asked Ibiki.

Itachi nodded, "and I pity, any girl who isn't me today…DAMN its stuck in my head!!".

"Got a girlfriend?"

Itachi shook his head, "I feel charming, oh so charming, oh so charming, its alarming how charming I feeelllll—…"

"Boyfriend?"

Itachi suddenly snapped his head toward the instructor in reaction to his question and at the same time, slammed on the brakes in front of the traffic light. "...Do I look gay to you?"

Ibiki shrugged and smiled a sadistic smile, "Hey, well you're the first guy I've met who wears nail polish, besides the Akatsuki guys which I'm sure you're not apart of, besides, I won't tell...oh and by the way, you get a –60 points for not braking fast enough...and another –50 for not looking at the road."

"Chikuso..." muttered a fuming Itachi making a left when the green light flashed, "Bah!!...I'll Tsukiyomi him later"

"Okay, parallel park in that space" said Ibiki, "yes you're almost close, no no, too close, NO, now you're too far away, no no, now you're at weird angle, yes, that's its, no go slower—.."

By that time, after being accused as a gay, distracted to the extent of almost running Shikamaru over, and tricked into having most of his points taken away, Itachi had had enough. Imprudently out of fury he slammed on the gas pedal sending the battered car, into the one in front. In panic and frustration Itachi, impulsively shift the gears in reverse and pressed the gas pedal backing up the car into the Konoha bookstore.

Ibiki, who was incidentally calm the whole time by the way, pulled up the emergency brake. He was having a party in his head, since he had succeeded in finally cracking this Itachi kid. But, before he could subtract the rest of Itachi's dwindling points, he felt himself being grabbed by the Jounin vest collar and stared at with some bloodshot, mangekyo purple eyes.

"...You will pass me, in this exam..."

"...I will pass you, in this exam..." Ibiki muttered, in a trance.

"...You will pay for all the damages..."

"...I will pay for all the damages..."

"...You will then replace the images of this whole test, with happy bunnies, and green fields..."

"...I will then replace the images of this whole test with happy bunnies and green fields..."

"...You will enjoy those images for the rest of your life..."

"...I will enjoy those images fot the rest of my life..."

"...You will quack like a duck when whenever you see Asuma..."

"...I will quack like a duck whenever I see Asuma..."

"...When I count to 3 and snap my fingers, you will awake and carry on with your duties..."

"...When you count to 3 and snap your fingers I will awaken and carry on with my duties..."

"1..2..3...-snap, snap-..."

"Eh? Congradulations YOU PASSSS!!!!!" exclaimed an unmindful Ibiki awake from his trance, You're license should be mailed to you the next day.

Itachi merely smirked, put his hair back in a ponytail and disappeared into the smoke, ninja style.

Meanwhile, Kisame who was pacing back and forth nervously, jumped out of his...er...shark skin when Itachi poofed next to him.

"AIEEEEEHHHH!! Don't scare me like that!!!!!!! So how didya do? How didya do?"

By then, most of the Akatsuki had returned and was also eagerly awaiting an answer.

"I....PASSED!!!!!!!" exclaimed a happy Itachi, bouncing around the room. "Now I can take you guys places!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No damages?"

"NOPE!!!!!!!"

"HELL YEAHHHH!!!! My prayers have been answered!!!!" Kisame punched the air.

Itachi looked at Kisame and the Akatsuki, "Ahhhhh....they look so happy...maybe I shouldn't tell them that I hypnotised the examiner into giving me a license..."

The rest of the Akatsuki, looked at each other quizically and bolted toward their rooms, shivering out of trepidation. From now on, they're gonna have to travel by trees far away from the road as possible. Because...Itachi had gotten his license!!!! DUM DUM DUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM!!!

But back to Ibiki, he had just paid for the bookstore damages, when suddenly Kakashi and Asuma walked by.

"My CARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" cried Asuma, clutching a beer bottle, "Whooooooo has done this to YOUUUUU!!!!"

Kakashi looked up at the approaching Ibiki, who merely quacked at the crying man and handed him, wads of cash. Then Ibiki turned to Kakashi while Asuma just stared at Ibiki.

"Did the man just quacked at him?" Then Asuma looked at the beer bottle, maybe this drink was starting to get to him.

"Hey, Kakashi!!!!! What brings you here?!!!!"

"...Uh, I was going to pick up the latest copy of Make-Out Violence but I guess they're all destroyed." He replied in his sleepy voice, picking up a smoldering Icha Icha book, that had flew at his head earlier. "And was it just me, or did you quacked at Asuma?"

"Hmmm......I don't know...the last thing I remember was crashing into Asuma's car and then crashing into the bookstore after your cousin Hatake Itachi passed the road test."

"Uh...Ibiki?"

"...Yeah?"

"I don't have a cousin..." said Kakashi looking at Ibiki funny, "my parents didn't have siblings."

"..." Ibiki froze, as all his memories came flooding back to him.

"You know...I think we should take you to the hospital...that crash might have done something you know..." Said Asuma, who had somehow magically soberred up.

"...Quack quack!"


	6. Team 10: Genin Yearbooks

FF uploads my chapters real late so thanks for the patience.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Genin Yearbooks

Chouji and Ino were walking down the streets when they saw Shikamaru sitting on a bench near the crosswalk.

"So, there you are!!!!" yelled Ino, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey Shikamaru..." said Chouji, while eatting.

"...This is so troublesome, I almost got run over by some maniac in a car."

"So? It probably takes you 3 hrs to cross a street because half way, you'll think its just too troublesome and just walk back."

"You're point?"

Ino stamped her foot, and glared at Shikamaru, "Whatever, we're late, lets go!!!". And with that, she grabbed Shikamaru and dragged him across the street with Chouji trailing them.

After walking a couple of blocks, Team 10 stopped at the Ninja Academy. On the way, they had stopped 4 times to eat, 3 times to rest, and 2 for bathroom breaks. Overall, I'd say it took 3 hours to get there.

"Asuma-sensei said he had to escort Ibiki-san to the hospital so he told us to proceed with the mission, without him." Said a miffed Ino.

"Maybe he's starting to take after Kakashi" said Chouji, "...You know, with the whole being late for 4 hrs thing and all...But hey, what do I know?" He continued to munch on his chips.

"So, what is the mission?" replied a half asleep Shikamaru.

"Asuma-sensei said something about cleaning up the school attic or something."

"...how troublesome..."

They all walked in, followed up by a greeting from Iruka-sensei.

"Ohayo Minna!! Follow Me!!!"

"Damn...this is more like community service if you ask me..." muttered Shikamaru.

After trudging behind Iruka for what seemed an eternity (for Chouji and Shikamaru at least) they finally made there way into the attic, where boxes were askew, books were filled with cobwebs and dust, and rusty ninja equipment was scattered all over the floor.

"Well, I'll leave this mess to you all now, books go over there, boxes go here, and heres a trashbin for the dust and the rusty ninja equipment. Toodles!!" Iruka bounded down the stairs.

"...this is so troublesome..." Shikamaru began to picking up things within his reach, as he was sitting down on floor and was too lazy to get up.

"No!!! Ino, help!! I can't reach!!" gasped Shikamaru as he tried to grab something beyond his reach while sitting down.

Ino instantly glared at him, sending Shika bolting for shelter near the big boxes. "What a lazy ass!!" she thought.

Shikamaru sighed and began picking up the books around him, namely the ones that were small and weighed less. They were mostly books for little kids, such as "ABC's for ninjas", and "I can throw a Shuriken just like Mommy", but some had rather interesting titles, such as "5 Easy steps to becoming the Hokage" and "Cool Forbidden Techniques, Nice and Simple". A sudden rare look of amusement dawned on his face as he plopped himself on the floor and began reading.

Chouji had begun moving boxes when he spotted a particular one labeled "confiscated items". Finishing the rest of the chips, he proceeded to have a quick peek in the big box, before opening another bag of chips. Upon gazing into the box's contents, he gasped.

Inside was filled with amazing things, from plushie shurikens, to the Sandaime's toupee, to playninja mags that dated about 40 yrs back. There was even a voodoo doll of Sasuke complete with needles stuck in rather awkward places that probably would have hurt, if performed on the real thing. Also, there was a journal faintly labelled, "Orochimaru's Diary: Keep Out Or Face Dire Consequences".

Chouji, thought for a minute while eating another bag of chips. He wasn't exactly interested in the stuff, but he knew that certain people would sell their souls to get their hands on some of the goods in there. Oh the possibilites...

Meanwhile, Ino who had been browsing through a sea of books had also come across some stuff.

"Hey guys, check this out!!" said Ino, walking over to a sitting Shikamaru, since we all know that he wouldn't have budged anyway. "It's the whole collection of academy yearbooks!!!"

Ino brushed off the dust of the first book and opened it. The photos were in black and white and the students posed like they were having their mugshots taken. "Oh look, it's the Third. His grandson didn't look like him at all. He actually just looked like himself except 50 years younger and more stonier than usual."

Turning to the staff pages, Ino, glanced down, and recoiled in shock. Shikamaru fell backward, and Chouji dropped his bag of chips in disgust.

There on the front page were the First and Second Hokages, and they had....afros? Not only that, but they were also smiling, revealing some rather...abnormal...shaped teeth...as if they needed braces or something. Wow...talk about image.

After recollecting herself, Ino thought that it was best to look at a more recent one, thus she pulled out the second one on the pile, and flipped quickly to the students section.

It just so happened that she had flipped to the page with the 3 Sennin on it. One look, and Team 10 all fell, laughing their asses off.

"Did you see Orochimaru!!! Hahahaha so grossss!!!!" Ino panted and pointed. Orochimaru looked rather pale (well he always did) but apparently his purple eyeshadow was a little smudged and he had tissues stuffed up his nose, due to a runny nose that day. He was also drooling a bit, probably due to boredom, and the fact that he had to pose more than 5 minutes because of those old cameras.

"Yeh, and did you see Jiraiya? He sure looked like he was having a good time!!!" said Chouji, choking on some chips. Sure enough Jiraiya was himself smiling at the camera with his "look it's a beautiful girl" expression, except that he had the chicken pox and swollen cheeks apparently giving him a caricature like look. "I bet allll the girls were after him." Sure, Chouji, whatever you say.

"...I can't believe Tsunade stuffed her chest with cotton..." exclaimed Shikamaru, in a rather awkward manner, "I mean, she was only like 6 at the time." Sure enough, Tsunade had stuffed herself with cotton, only it seemed that she had gone a little overboard, judging from the fact that there were bits of cotton, peeping over her shirt. She had also worn lots of makeup and had dyed her hair purple for some odd reason.

Ino, quickly closed the book before Shikamaru got too motivated at Tsunade's picture and quickly picked up the next one. Nothing special really, accept the Fourth Hokage looked rather innocent, perky, and kakkoi...that is, until Jiraiya got to him. But of course we don't have proof of that.

Now, on to the next book!!!

Team 10 looked at their sensei's picture in awe. Asuma of course, had no beard and cigarette...yet, and he was also missing that lumberjack look as well. His eyes were bloodshot though, and he looked unbelievably thin and unstable. Basically, what I'm trying to spit out was that Asuma didn't look like himself at all.

"Is that really Asuma-sensei?" gasped Chouji, his potatoe chip filled hand, missing his mouth. "He looks, so....unlike him..."

"Yeh, what happened?" pondered Shikamaru. "Asuma looked like he was on withdrawl of some kind. Or maybe, he was born...a crack baby!!!!"

The three, who now had their entire focus on the yearbooks, skimmed the pages for other familiar looking people. Their search ended in success when they spotted Kurenai...with Shirley Temple esque curls, red ribbons in her hair, a chocolate smudge on her mouth, and a grin in which she was missing a front tooth and had spinach on the other.

They had also found a maskless Kakashi but much to their dismay, there was a hole in the picture where his lower face was supposed to be. (Gee, now how could that have happened.) However, you could see a little bit of the tan-line on his face that his mask left, if that was any compensation.

Iruka also looked exactly the same. I guess he was one of those people that were born with a baby face. In fact, let us coo at his baby face in unity, together now: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Unfortuneatly the group had to put their hands in front of their eyes when they saw Gai's picture. And no, it wasn't because of his looks...er wait...that was actually half of it, but the other reason was that Gai's flashy white teeth had actually increased the lighting intensity of the camera 10 fold, so you could speculate that Gai's picture could literally burned people's eyes out .

Chouji grabbed the next book and flipped to the students pages. "Hey look, this guy looks like that Sasuke kid!!"

Ino's ears, perking up when she heard the word "Sasuke" instantly looked over Chouji's shoulder.

Sure enough, there was Itachi. It kind of seemed as if he had a bad day though, estimated by the fact that both of his Sharingan were open, and that there were several "what appeared to be" cracks in the camera lense probably formed by several sharp objects.

"Hey!!! I think that's the maniac who tried to run over me, with a car!!!!!" said Shikamaru.

"Oh don't be silly, why would he come back to the village after he committed that genocide thing?" replied Ino, "Besides, I think he's kinda cute!"

"Hey, look over here guys! Its our parents!!" Chouji exclaimed, flipping through another year book. And there they were indeed bearing similar looks to Team 10 except with a few minor changes and a major one in Ino's case. Shikato looked exactly like Shikamaru including the facial expressions, Choumaru also looked similar to Chouji except with red hair. And the only similarity between Ino and her father was the fact that they both had long blonde hair. Go figure.

"Hey, are you all thinking what I'm thinking?" said Ino, rubbing her hands together.

"...too troublesome..." said Shikamaru, "I'm not carrying any stuff..." Normally his team mates wouldn't have given a damn, but then again they didn't see him slip a couple of books into Chouji's "confiscated items" box.

"So, how do we get all the stuff we want, past Iruka?" asked Chouji, hauling the box away from Shikamaru.

"Yeh, that's right...I know, lets make Shikamaru think up a solution for us!!" Ino cried pointing at Shikamaru while tipping the whole collection of yearbooks into Chouji's box.

Shikamaru yawned, and sat on the box, "Well first of all, we have to stall Iruka when we're done 'cleaning' so that Chouji could carry the box safely outside the academy. Now there are a couple of ways of stalling, we either bribe our way out, purposely distract him, or ambush him. Bribing is out of the question since that would include revealing to him our plans. Distraction might be a little risky, seeing as there aren't any naked beautiful women here to divert his attention with—"

"HEY!!!!" interupted Ino.

"Or we could just slip all the things into the box, throw it out the attic window and retrieve it later-"

On cue, Chouji, who had yet opened another bag of chips, hurled the box through the open window, before Shikamaru could add "quietly" to the end of his sentence.

There was a thunderous crash heard, but luckily there were no screams or the sounds of crushed bones reverberating in the streets. And with that, Team 10 quickly resumed their duties of cleaning up.

After what seemed several hours, the team having successfully completed their mission, bounded down the stairs in order to retrieve their prizes in the backyard of the school, and er...their pay from Iruka.

"I hope you didn't have too much trouble up there." Said Iruka cheerfully, after all, I hadn't clean out that place, since.....ever.

"Nah, it was our pleasure," grinned Ino, "who knew that cleaning could actually be fun..haha."

Iruka raised an eyebrow at her comment but Team 10, had already grabbed their paychecks and bounded for the doorway, with a hasty "Seeya later gotta go Byeeeeeee!!"

Iruka shrugged, and trudged up the stairs to check on the attic.

"Hmm...I could have sworn there were a few extra boxes in here. Oh well, can't miss my ramen date with Naruto now, can I?" And with that, Iruka left, relieving his mind of the stuff that had gone missing.


	7. Iruka: Dolphin Noises

Gonna edit all of the chapters soon.

I think my writing's a little too choppy

Again, thanks for the reviews. (btw Annachan- I couldn't make Tsunade get implants at 6, so I wrote down cotton instead. )

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Dolphin Noises

Iruka was sitting quietly in the teacher's lounge grading tests, when he heard some rather unusual noises from outside the window. Something that particularly sounded like:

"EARARARARARARGH!!!!!!"

Setting down his paperwork, Iruka sighed, this wasn't exactly the first time this incident had happened to him. Why during his years at the academy he was the butt of most "Free Willy" and "Flipper" jokes among the other students. And alas it didn't stop there when he became a teacher. In fact, his students had dubbed him "the fish" even though dolphins aren't really related to fish in the sense that spiders aren't related to bugs.

But anyway, the point was that Iruka had had enough, and felt that it was unjust that everyone kept either mislabeling him as a sea creature or making those ear-splitting dolphin cries whenever he approached them. It was just not fair!!! Kakashi was a scarecrow, but do they make any lame Wizard of Oz jokes about him? Nooooooooooooo!!!! But then again, Kakashi didn't really pay attention to anything, which was no fun in the eyes of the teasers.

Poking his head out the window, Iruka was about to give the person a piece of his mind when he spotted a piece of paper on the ground. "A letter?" Iruka puzzled, "I guess the perpetrator, was trying to attract my attention. Irksome, but it sure got me."

And it read:

_Dear Mr. Dolphin Man Scarfaced Pervert Sensei,_

_If you value your precious and charmingly handsome Naruto who is destined to become a Hokage one day, report alone to the Konoha BookStore at 5pm with 6 boxes of Ramen. No less, but you could bring more if you want!! _

_Ahem, anyway, if you fail to comply with these regulations we will immediately kill him. That's right!!! Killlll himmmmm!!!!! And auction his Kyubi on e-bay. Now we wouldn't want that now do we? And if you don't believe in this kidnapping ploy, please reconsider by looking at these photos of you at last year's Christmas party._

_Sincerely,_

_Mr. Orange Speedos X_

_P.S. Oh yes, by the way, after the deal has been successfully completed, I suggest you take Naruto out for Ramen since this kidnapping might have had some traumatic effects on him._

_P.P.S This letter will self destruct in 5 seconds courtesy of the exploding tag pasted on the back_.

And on cue: BANG!!!!!! The letter exploded.

Iruka, crumpled the remains of the letter in his singed hand and face faulted. In Naruto's attempt to be Yakuza like as possible, attaching an exploding note wasn't exactly the best idea, especially when he had forgotten the blackmail photos were attached to it. Well, at least Iruka didn't have to worry about that anymore.

After tossing the remains of the incinerated letter in the trash, Iruka continued grading paperwork, while trying to sort out the letter business in his mind. He eventually came to a certain conclusion that Naruto had run out of welfare again, thus "asking" for a substantial amount that would have probably lasted for a couple of days in his case. Yes, that was probably it.

Being the adult he was, when 5 o'clock rolled around Iruka waited around the new construction site of the Konoha bookstore, impatiently tapping his foot. 6 o'clock was nearly rolling around when Iruka decided that "Mr. Orange Speedos X" er...Naruto wasn't going to show up after all, and this had all been a trick to further humiliate him.

Plus why in the Hokage's name did he even consider choosing "Mr. Orange Speedos X" as a pseudonym? The world may never know. As Iruka pondered about this though, another canister had again flew out of no where in particular and hit him on the head.

Opening it, he found another note to him from "Mr. Orange Speedos X" stating:

_You Idiot!!!_

_You forgot the ransom, how could you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_No Matter though, for we have decided to give you another chance! Report to Warehouse 5 behind training area 42 at 7:00pm alone. We will negotiate a reasonable price as I have noticed that you value your precious Naruto verrrrrrrrrrrrry veryy much even though you would risk your life to rescue him rather than PAYING IN RAMEN!!!!_

_Anyway, seeya_

_Mr. Orange Speedos X_

Iruka sighed again and started to head for the training areas, escorted by Anko, who had the keys. He had explained the situation to Anko who happily complied seeing that there was going to be free food involved.

"SO, WHAT'S HE UP TO THIS TIME?" asked Anko skipping alongside Iruka swinging the keys round and round.

"Uh....I think he overspent his welfare money again..." Iruka laughed and scratched the back of his head, "kids these days."

"OH YEHHHHHH!!! So full of energy, yet so dense— Owww!" Anko had skipped into a tree

Iruka facefaulted and helped her out.

"YOSHHHHhh we're HEEEEEEEEEEEREEe!!" Cried a happy Anko as she opened the gate, "Now we can go in and give him a piece of our mind!!!" She marched in with Iruka trailing in the back sweatdropping.

The two went to the warehouse that "Mr. Orange Speedos X" depicted in the letter and waited. Anko had pulled out some sausages and was trying to cook them by attaching exploding notes to them, but she kinda overdid it, resulting in half of the wall being blown away.

As Anko pouted over the sausages Iruka wandered over to the back of the building. It was now 7:30. Naruto probably got lost or something.

"Ano....Anko-san?"

"My liddle sausagesssssss.........YES??? WHAT IS IT? DID YOU FIND HIM?"

"I think he might have got lost..."

"LOST? PSHH!!! All the training grounds are in a line, its impossible to get lost here, unless you're linearly challenged and can't tell find the end of a straight line!!!!"

"....yeh, that's Naruto all right"

"...YOSH!!!! Gather a jounin search party....NO better yet, a jounin army!!!!!!!!! Search the forests, seas, and the deserts!!!! Hold the other kages for ransom until they help us find Naruto!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look in every nook and cranny, and if all else fails.....search the alternate dimensions!!!!!!!!!! CUZ Baby there Ain't no MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGHHHhhhhhh!!!!!!! Ain't no VALLEYyyyyyy LOWW enoughhhhhhh!!!! Ain't No RIVERRRRRRRR WIDEEEEEEEE ENOUGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! TO Keep Me FROm FINDING NARUTOOOOOOO YEHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Anko punched the air and striked a pose with the sunset in the backround.

A moment later she was on the ground sucking her thumb. Iruka quickly discarded the needle. After Anko had become a jounin, most of the village people were required to carry sedatives with them in case...well....if this happened.

At the same time however the door to the warehouse opened and out jumped....

"SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Naruto!!!!! Amidst Naruto was a whole crew of jounin dressed as sea creatures singing the Flipper theme song!!!

Iruka just gaped.

"I figured, today was the anniversary of when we became friends, so I got us tickets to Water Country's SEA WORLDD!!!!!!!!" Naruto shouted waving 2 tickets in the air. "And uh....I kinda spent my week's worth of welfare on these so that's why I asked for the Ramen..."

Iruka scratched the back of his head, "Ah.....Thanks for the present Naruto!!!! And don't worry about the Ramen...I'll drop some off at your apartment tomorrow."

Naruto's eyes watered as they both launched into a touchy moment, so let us fast fowardddddddddd to.................SEA WORLDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!

Iruka was shaking hands with one of the dolphins as he turned to Naruto. "Say, about those blackmail photos, they kinda disintegrated when you put the exploding note on the back..."

Naruto shrugged, "Awww...that's ok Iruka-sensei those weren't my only photos!!"

"Whhhy you little...." Iruka was about to lunge at him when one of the dolphins jumped up crying "EARARARARARARAGH!!!!" and slapped him on the back of the head causing him to fall in the water.

Naruto and the dolphin high fived.

EARARARARARARARARARARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol, I don't know how to put that dolphin sound in words so yeh....forgive me. I'm sorry for not updating the past few weeks, but I had school work so yeh...horrible. Anyway, don't expect the next chappies too soon, plus I feel like working on other stories too. So cya and happy reading.


End file.
